seek that which does not change

change is inevitable, so they say.

yet I am slowly becoming aware of something inside me that doesn't change.

I can't quite nail it down or name it.

awareness, maybe.


existence? experience? the witness?

it is whatever is experiencing the other changes -- the thing that takes note of them, the thing that stays the same and therefore provides the static point of reference that is necesssary in order to realize that a change has occurred.

it is the background -- the stage on which change appears.

it's not quite an inner voice, yet I do sense somewhat of a dialogue going on at times.

it's been with me for as long as I can remember.

it was with me before I started school. it was with me when my children were born.

it is with me when I hike or stand up to speak. it keeps me company as I fall asleep and welcomes me to the quiet stillness of the first morning light.

it is my constant companion.  

it feels almost like a thread that links all of my past and present experiences. it seems to be connected to my body in some way, but I won't know that for sure until I die, I suppose. 

it is easiest for me to locate when I'm silent and still. 
and sometimes, when I am totally engrossed in an activity, it seems to disappear.

I've become a bit obsessed lately with getting to know it. I want to be able to tap into it at will -- to locate my internal figure-ground-reversal switch so I won't feel caught up in and battered around by all that is temporary. 

something tells me that there's almost nothing more important right now than cultivating my awareness of it.

No comments: