for no apparent reason, after months of feeling apathetic and low on energy, for the past few weeks I've found myself feeling deep and abiding contentment and acceptance of What Is.
the situations and dynamics that my mind had been chewing on before I was even totally awake for many mornings in a row have not changed, but now I am awakening peacefully, listening to the birds and squirrels chatter instead of my own thoughts.
to what do I owe this grace?
I have no idea. I know it's nothing I did on purpose. I tried frequently to settle my mind and boost my energy but nothing worked for long. now I suspect that if I tried to rile myself up or worry about something I couldn't do that, either.
so who is in charge here, really? beats me. all I know for sure it's not my conscious mind or my will!
nothing left to do but accept and allow whatever state I find myself in. one perk to having circled around the sun so many times is that I know in my blood and bones that the nature of life is change, and even if I do nothing things can't and won't stay the same. thank goodness for that.
(or as my daughter's iTouch autocorrected when she typed Thank goodness yesterday: Thank goddesses. nice, eh?)