I think perhaps many of us have a little bit of a blind spot when it comes to communication these days. Communication is not actually the exact same thing as conversation. Instead, conversation is one of many possible ways to communicate.
Today I overheard a woman saying, "I shouldn't have to make assumptions. He should just tell me how he feels!"
I wanted to interject, but it was none of my business. I imagined handing her a copy of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
and saying, But maybe he IS telling you how he feels! What does he say with his eyes, his touch, and his actions? There's more than one way to let someone know you care!
I hear women declaring to each other with righteous conviction: If he doesn't say it, he doesn't care. And of course, sometimes, it's true! But before you release him back into the wild simply because he's not showering you with verbal affection, consider that words may not be his primary mode of expression. If you love him, a little experimentation may salvage the relationship.
I invite every woman who has been Scrabble scoring her man's verbal output (and finding it lacking) to figuratively plug her ears with cotton for a few days, and to rely upon her other senses to receive communication instead.
Smell those ribs cooking on the grill? He put that extra spicy sauce on half of them because you like them better that way.
See his muddy shoes at the door? When he lived alone he would have worn them into the house.
Feel his strong hands massaging your shoulders? He noticed you were tense and wanted to help you feel better.
Why does he do all this? Maybe it's because he cares about you.
I don't mean to diminish the value of words. If they are your primary love language, you'll probably prefer a mate who speaks affectionately to you often.
But some women find that when they open up their other senses, words are not as important as they previously thought. You may discover that there are plenty of other very satisfying ways to express love, affection, and appreciation. Sometimes, once these other channels have opened, words even become pale in comparison...
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