that's my new question. or maybe it's not new, but I just forgot about it for a while?
anyway, I'm taking my self-inquiry deeper than "What do I really want?" because it occurred to me that whatever I want is actually just a means to an end -- I want it because I think having some situation, condition, or circumstance will result in me feeling a certain way. So I'm playing around with cutting out the middleman.
Here's what I found that amazes me about this:
As soon as I've identified how I'd rather feel, I can go there right away, via imagination!
My poor little imagination is sort of withered from disuse. I was a very good student in a traditional school system, which means I was an excellent absorber of other people's knowledge and could regurgitate it on demand. So I'm still recovering! But that's okay. I'm having lots of fun dusting my imagination off and finding out what it can do.
(I just re-read this, and a song in Willy Wonka's voice started playing in my head. I embedded the video below for those like me with bizarre inclinations for musical nostalgia. What a trippy movie this was!)