beholding

I'm heading off to spend the day with bernice today. I have to tell you, so many conventional beliefs are being stripped away from me thoughout this process. As I sat at her bedside yesterday, I realized that my heart was just soaring with joy and gratitude, and that I have never seen her look more beautiful. She was wasting away ... no dentures, mouth gaping open, hair a mass of tangles. just skin and bones. So it wasn't physical beauty.

It wasn't inner peace, either. She's restless and keeps wanting to get up but she can't, and it upsets her.

so what was beautiful then? I don't know. Maybe her essence. Maybe the angels around her. Maybe I become a person who can see only beauty when I am loving her.

In any case, it helped me to drop some of my fears and insecurities about my appearance. If I could see that in her, so independent of how she actually looked, then maybe others might see it in me, regardless of the flaws I perceive in myself when I focus my critical attention.

Maybe that is exactly the key word here - attention. Maybe I was not using my physical eyes to observe her physical body. Maybe when we look with the heart, we see most truly.

And I love this idea, because it is my choice which lens to see anyone through. So if I am not seeing beauty, I know I am not looking with my heart, and a simple shift can restore my true vision.