in the absence of communication ...

... where do your thoughts take you?

this morning when I logged on to my internet dating service to confirm a first meeting over coffee for saturday, the profile of the man I was meeting had disappeared from my list of matches without a trace. yesterday we were discussing a time, and today, poof! no sign of him anywhere.

it was fascinating to watch what my mind did with this information. I was bewildered. it seemed so out of character for him to just delete me without any communication. my first reaction was to worry that I had somehow unintentionally offended him. then I mentally retraced our earlier communications to see if perhaps I has misread his character and missed some signs of emotional instability.

finally I decided that an ending without closure was not okay with me, so I dug out his direct email and wrote to him, saying that he was gone from my connections, and if that was intentional on his part, then I wished him well and had enjoyed talking with him. as I hit the send button, I released it all and prepared to just move on.

minutes later he responded to my email and told me that the online dating service was having technical difficulties, and that he had not deleted me, and that we were still on for coffee. this explanation would never have entered my mind.

so I learned something about myself today. I leaned that in the absence of communication or information, I will assume that I did something to screw it up. I suppose some people might assume that someone else is to blame, or that things always turn out badly for them, or who knows what else. becoming aware of my own mental predispositions helps me to take my thoughts less seriously, and to consider that it's just my tendency, and not necessarily the truth.

I also discovered some good things about him in observing how he handled this bizarre situation. And I am relieved that my character assessment instincts seem to be pretty accurate after all.

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